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S, T Normally, a sunken crown dissolves on its own within the human body, but when a patient comes in complaining of heaviness and inertia, the physician must perform various harmonic and metallurgical diagnostics to test for the presence of any tenacious crown vestiges. The nature of the remedy depends on the location of the crown residue; a gentle tapping (12/4) time with an ivory mallet will dislodge any gold in the joints, for instance, whereas emerald shards in the throat require a potion of bee venom and molasses. If any part of the crown lodges in the heart, the treatment is homeopathic: the sufferer must sit with his/her chest pressed against a stereo speaker transmitting the saddest music of his/her thirteenth year until disintegration occurs, relieving the internal pressure.

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