| WORLD VOICES DANCING FOR MY MOTHER
BY DUFF BRENNA |
Contents World
Voices Home |
As time
goes by,
Karen and you become more and more exclusive. Bart gets cut out of the
action.
You and Karen hide from him. She says she loves you and you say you
love her.
Pappas has noticed how much you hang around with her, playing stickball
in the
street and throwing passes, playing catch. If he’s there on the porch
smoking a
cigarette, his eyes watch Karen hustling here and there. When you’re
through
playing and go into the house he always says: You getting any? You know
that
Pappas somehow knows what’s going on with you and Karen, knows it like
a mind
reader, a sex sniffer. When he asks you if you’re getting any, you
always
pretend you don’t know what he’s talking about. Any what? It makes him
smile.
It makes him wink. It makes him give you a look that says you’re not
fooling
him at all. Playing
baseball at
the park, Karen and Philip of the green buckteeth get into some kind of
argument and start fighting. They slug each other. They pull each
other’s hair
and wrestle. The rest of the players surround them and yell: Get him,
Karen!
Get her Phil! For a minute the fight is even, but then Karen starts to
lose.
She goes down and Philip jumps on top of her. You’re torn about what to
do.
It’s a fair fight, but Karen is your girlfriend. Shouldn’t you help
her? But if
you do the other boys might beat you up. Most of them you don’t even
know and
they all look older and tougher than you. So it’s a moment of truth and
you
don’t do anything except stand there and yell. When Karen starts
crying, Philip
gets off and says he won. He and a group of boys walk away talking
about how he
kicked Fielding’s fat ass. Only Bart and you are still on Karen’s side.
Together you help her up and walk her home. Her mother is very upset.
You
should have stuck up for her, she says. She washes the blood off Karen
and puts
her to bed. You are allowed to see her for minute and say how sorry you
are.
And you say, We couldn’t do anything. The other boys wouldn’t let us.
She says,
Okay, I know you tried. You hang your head and go home. It’s a long
time before
you see Karen again. She starts playing with some girls from school.
You see
her with Shirley her fat cousin who puts out too, and you’re jealous.
When you
try to get Karen to play, she always finds excuses not to. When
summer is over
and you’re back in school you go out for flag football and make the
team as a
receiver and defensive back. Truth is you’re not very good at
receiving. You
drop more passes than you catch. The other receivers are just as bad.
Coach
moves you behind the line when the team is on defense. The thing you
excel at
is darting in and grabbing the runner’s flag, so you concentrate on
that and
get lots of pats on the back. One time your mother shows up for a game
and you
drop a sure touchdown pass, but make up for it by going crazy on the
field
grabbing flags and throwing them to the ground. When the game is over
your
mother says, Why didn’t you catch that pass? It was right in your
hands, Duffy.
You would have had a touchdown. You look at your hands as if it’s their
fault.
When you get home, she tells Pappas about how you dropped a sure
touchdown.
Right in his hands! Pappas says you’ll never make a football player.
There’s
not enough lead in your ass. Better stick to wrestling punks your own
size, he
says. He’s right about that, but when the season is over, you’re voted
most
valuable player by your team mates. Actually, Bucky is the most
valuable, but
since he’s also captain, someone else has to get chosen for the award.
Next to
Bucky you think Raymond should get most valuable, but he says he can’t
go to
the ceremony. You never learn why he can’t go. But in any case you go
in his
place. Bucky and you have your picture taken by the newspaper. There
you are in
the paper the next morning, standing next to Bucky and wearing your
Hopalong
Cassidy pullover sweater. Both of you holding ribbons and smiling like
you
belong there. Pappas laughs and he says, Look at that our hero! 22
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